Saturday, 31 January 2015

What Married Life Really Is

Ok so I guess I have no one else to turn to…and I can’t post these on facebook, this HAS TO BE ANONYMOUS.  So I’m just gonna say it…weeks into the marriage…and days into moving in together…I knew I’M BEING ABUSED.
How did I know?  It all started when we moved in together.  He finds fault in everything I do…throughout the day.  I was out of my wits thinking why he would start a fight throughout the day.  And then he started calling me names.  STUPID, “TAE (SHIT/POO)”, etc..  Sorry I have very bad memory & story-telling skills.  But think of the lowest organisms in the world & he would do his best to make me feel I am worth way less than those.  I don’t know how to describe it, maybe you understand?
And then last Monday comes & he hit me in the head while I’m driving.  He also tried to sway away the steering wheel so we could crash (I don’t know --- maybe I married a psycho?).  Naturally, for safety reasons, I stopped the car & he shouted & left, leaving the car door open in the middle of the street.  I was so scared I went to my parents house (you see in the Philippines we live w/ our parents before we get married, no moving out of parents’ house when you’re adult or off to college --- I live in the city anyway).  I was scared to go home, I can’t take it anymore.  Well maybe I forgot I was in the Philippines.  My parents wouldn’t even let me spend the night, they said I should GO BACK TO MY HUSBAND AND APOLOGIZE.  I said I was scared he would beat me up.  They said I was not really hurt & he would not beat me up, so I did, went back home, say sorry.  My parents also advised me to be VERY SUBMISSIVE---my husband might be insecure or something…my mom said I had no choice but to just keep quiet when he starts calling me names & belittling me…that I have no choice…that it is still better than being alone in life---I don’t agree but didn’t say anything…if I knew before this is what married life would’ve been like I would’ve remained single forever!
So today he slammed a “basahan” (wet rag) on my face & laughed.  I just, listening to my parents, kept quiet…couldn’t stop myself saying things (in a “mousy” way) that he doesn’t respect me, etc..  Haaaaay….
At least I have Blogger…I can’t post on facebook.  I posted once how hard married life is, w/o a maid, and how happy I am whenever I go to work everyday so I can rest---HE HAD A FIELD DAY!!! I’m NEVER GOING TO POST ON FACEBOOK AGAIN!!! I actually vowed not to use facebook anymore --- can I?  I mean, w/ all the shit on facebook about married life & kids (I am already 35, was planning to have kids immediately but w/ what I’m experiencing now---NEVER!!!).  If people have been saying married life is hard & having kids is harder---I wouldn’t be stupid enough to try the latter!!! Facebook is a lie.  The media is a lie.  Why does everyone make it feel like being single is lonely & sad??? I got married at 35 and I regret it---I NEVER SHOULD’VE GOTTEN MARRIED!!! I should’ve been STILL HAPPY instead of LIVING THIS MISERABLE LIFE!!!

Monday, 12 January 2015

Facebook Friends

Recently I had realized that not all my friends on Facebook are my “real” friends.  You see I just got married recently.  Obviously I have invited people I thought were my friends(?)  Now I was surprised when a lot of them didn’t RSVP at all (& showed signs they are not coming---or the lack of signs showed me that).  Reading articles on the net & feedback from the wedding coordinator showed that NOT EVERYONE comes on a wedding…a lot of people DO NOT SHOW UP.  Now what confused me then was all these people liking my wedding prep photos on FB.  Now this is after I have sent them my einvite (w/ NO RESPONSE).  So naturally I would message them about it if they are coming or not --- NO RESPONSE.  But time and again they keep on liking my wedding prep photos, etc..  It is weird.  Are those all for show???  I don’t know.  It is confusing to me as for me if I get to catch up & chat w/ a friend even just on FB I consider those conversations & moments “real.”  We are not just friends ONLINE or on FB.  We are FRIENDS, just as plain as that.  Now I know that isn’t true for everyone (or most people).  How can they ignore you but keep on liking your photos…commenting, etc..  For what?  Are we actors? Celebrities?  Are they only looking for fame??  I really do not understand.  I have heard an awkward story before about 2 people being FB friends and all but totally ignoring each other in real life…what is that?  I don’t get it but now I know…