Ok so I guess I have no one else to turn to…and I can’t post these on facebook, this HAS TO BE ANONYMOUS. So I’m just gonna say it…weeks into the marriage…and days into moving in together…I knew I’M BEING ABUSED.
How did I know? It all started when we moved in together. He finds fault in everything I do…throughout the day. I was out of my wits thinking why he would start a fight throughout the day. And then he started calling me names. STUPID, “TAE (SHIT/POO)”, etc.. Sorry I have very bad memory & story-telling skills. But think of the lowest organisms in the world & he would do his best to make me feel I am worth way less than those. I don’t know how to describe it, maybe you understand?
And then last Monday comes & he hit me in the head while I’m driving. He also tried to sway away the steering wheel so we could crash (I don’t know --- maybe I married a psycho?). Naturally, for safety reasons, I stopped the car & he shouted & left, leaving the car door open in the middle of the street. I was so scared I went to my parents house (you see in the Philippines we live w/ our parents before we get married, no moving out of parents’ house when you’re adult or off to college --- I live in the city anyway). I was scared to go home, I can’t take it anymore. Well maybe I forgot I was in the Philippines. My parents wouldn’t even let me spend the night, they said I should GO BACK TO MY HUSBAND AND APOLOGIZE. I said I was scared he would beat me up. They said I was not really hurt & he would not beat me up, so I did, went back home, say sorry. My parents also advised me to be VERY SUBMISSIVE---my husband might be insecure or something…my mom said I had no choice but to just keep quiet when he starts calling me names & belittling me…that I have no choice…that it is still better than being alone in life---I don’t agree but didn’t say anything…if I knew before this is what married life would’ve been like I would’ve remained single forever!
So today he slammed a “basahan” (wet rag) on my face & laughed. I just, listening to my parents, kept quiet…couldn’t stop myself saying things (in a “mousy” way) that he doesn’t respect me, etc.. Haaaaay….
At least I have Blogger…I can’t post on facebook. I posted once how hard married life is, w/o a maid, and how happy I am whenever I go to work everyday so I can rest---HE HAD A FIELD DAY!!! I’m NEVER GOING TO POST ON FACEBOOK AGAIN!!! I actually vowed not to use facebook anymore --- can I? I mean, w/ all the shit on facebook about married life & kids (I am already 35, was planning to have kids immediately but w/ what I’m experiencing now---NEVER!!!). If people have been saying married life is hard & having kids is harder---I wouldn’t be stupid enough to try the latter!!! Facebook is a lie. The media is a lie. Why does everyone make it feel like being single is lonely & sad??? I got married at 35 and I regret it---I NEVER SHOULD’VE GOTTEN MARRIED!!! I should’ve been STILL HAPPY instead of LIVING THIS MISERABLE LIFE!!!