Saturday, 31 January 2015

What Married Life Really Is

Ok so I guess I have no one else to turn to…and I can’t post these on facebook, this HAS TO BE ANONYMOUS.  So I’m just gonna say it…weeks into the marriage…and days into moving in together…I knew I’M BEING ABUSED.
How did I know?  It all started when we moved in together.  He finds fault in everything I do…throughout the day.  I was out of my wits thinking why he would start a fight throughout the day.  And then he started calling me names.  STUPID, “TAE (SHIT/POO)”, etc..  Sorry I have very bad memory & story-telling skills.  But think of the lowest organisms in the world & he would do his best to make me feel I am worth way less than those.  I don’t know how to describe it, maybe you understand?
And then last Monday comes & he hit me in the head while I’m driving.  He also tried to sway away the steering wheel so we could crash (I don’t know --- maybe I married a psycho?).  Naturally, for safety reasons, I stopped the car & he shouted & left, leaving the car door open in the middle of the street.  I was so scared I went to my parents house (you see in the Philippines we live w/ our parents before we get married, no moving out of parents’ house when you’re adult or off to college --- I live in the city anyway).  I was scared to go home, I can’t take it anymore.  Well maybe I forgot I was in the Philippines.  My parents wouldn’t even let me spend the night, they said I should GO BACK TO MY HUSBAND AND APOLOGIZE.  I said I was scared he would beat me up.  They said I was not really hurt & he would not beat me up, so I did, went back home, say sorry.  My parents also advised me to be VERY SUBMISSIVE---my husband might be insecure or something…my mom said I had no choice but to just keep quiet when he starts calling me names & belittling me…that I have no choice…that it is still better than being alone in life---I don’t agree but didn’t say anything…if I knew before this is what married life would’ve been like I would’ve remained single forever!
So today he slammed a “basahan” (wet rag) on my face & laughed.  I just, listening to my parents, kept quiet…couldn’t stop myself saying things (in a “mousy” way) that he doesn’t respect me, etc..  Haaaaay….
At least I have Blogger…I can’t post on facebook.  I posted once how hard married life is, w/o a maid, and how happy I am whenever I go to work everyday so I can rest---HE HAD A FIELD DAY!!! I’m NEVER GOING TO POST ON FACEBOOK AGAIN!!! I actually vowed not to use facebook anymore --- can I?  I mean, w/ all the shit on facebook about married life & kids (I am already 35, was planning to have kids immediately but w/ what I’m experiencing now---NEVER!!!).  If people have been saying married life is hard & having kids is harder---I wouldn’t be stupid enough to try the latter!!! Facebook is a lie.  The media is a lie.  Why does everyone make it feel like being single is lonely & sad??? I got married at 35 and I regret it---I NEVER SHOULD’VE GOTTEN MARRIED!!! I should’ve been STILL HAPPY instead of LIVING THIS MISERABLE LIFE!!!

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