I have been thinking a lot about my faith. And I honestly have deliberately not gone to mass for the past 2 Sundays. I consider myself “religious” before. And why is that? Just read my last post. You see, I prayed for that marriage. I prayed to meet my future husband. I prayed for our relationship. I prayed and asked if I should continue w/ the wedding when I was having second thoughts & I thought I got a “yes” answer. And a couple of weeks after the wedding I realized what I had gotten myself into. That is why I’m questioning my faith now.
What did I do to deserve this?
Why did God allow me to marry this creep?
Why is divorce not allowed by the Church?
Why does God want me to stay in a bad marriage…an unsafe marriage? Why do I have to risk my life & my baby’s?
Why do I have to stay w/ this guy who tortures my soul & mind every waking moment?
Why does God allow bad things to happen to us?
Why does God allow people to suffer?
Why does God want people to get married & multiply? Only to suffer?
I have all these questions. I have prayed on what to do & asked for a sign AGAIN. The answer I thought I got was to separate from my husband…but why did God want me to marry him in the 1st place? Am I getting this all wrong? What is the purpose of going to mass?