Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Losing My Faith

I have been thinking a lot about my faith.  And I honestly have deliberately not gone to mass for the past 2 Sundays.  I consider myself “religious” before.  And why is that?  Just read my last post.  You see, I prayed for that marriage.  I prayed to meet my future husband.  I prayed for our relationship.  I prayed and asked if I should continue w/ the wedding when I was having second thoughts & I thought I got a “yes” answer.  And a couple of weeks after the wedding I realized what I had gotten myself into.  That is why I’m questioning my faith now. 

What did I do to deserve this?

Why did God allow me to marry this creep?

Why is divorce not allowed by the Church?

Why does God want me to stay in a bad marriage…an unsafe marriage?  Why do I have to risk my life & my baby’s?

Why do I have to stay w/ this guy who tortures my soul & mind every waking moment?

Why does God allow bad things to happen to us?

Why does God allow people to suffer?

Why does God want people to get married & multiply?  Only to suffer?

I have all these questions.  I have prayed on what to do & asked for a sign AGAIN.  The answer I thought I got was to separate from my husband…but why did God want me to marry him in the 1st place?  Am I getting this all wrong?  What is the purpose of going to mass? 

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