I am so depressed that I cannot fully take care of my baby :( Until now (it's been 2 weeks) I still can barely stand up and still can't sit down...I can't even carry my baby:( I'm so so sad :(((
Friday, 9 October 2015
I Can't Take Care of My Baby
I am so depressed that I cannot fully take care of my baby :( Until now (it's been 2 weeks) I still can barely stand up and still can't sit down...I can't even carry my baby:( I'm so so sad :(((
2015 Is Not My Year
Why am I so unfortunate? I have been asking myself this question oh-so-many-times this year...here's why:
1. After moving in together w/ my new husband this January I found out he is abusive. He shouts at me everyday...throughout the day for no reason...he curses at me and calls me names (stupid, tae, etc.)...he also was mildly physically abusive (batok, hampas ng basahan sa mukha, etc.).
2. Holy week of this year my husband admitted to me that he hangs out w/ gay men and does drugs.
3. My husband got extremely ill and died while I was 5 months pregnant.
4. Found out my husband died of aids.
5. Gave birth to my baby w/ a true knot. My baby was born w/ sepsis because of my OB's negligence. I had bleeding w/c endangered my uterus (hysterectomy). It's been 2 weeks since I gave birth and I still have not started recovering (I have an abscess on my perenium but my OB insists it is nothing...I still am unable to stand/sit/properly take care of my baby...and I am only getting worse :(
I have no idea why all this is happening to me. I also had a lot of issues at work but didn't list them down anymore =(
work
Monday, 8 June 2015
Young Husband Died & I'm Pregnant
I am dying inside each day. My husband died several days ago and it's getting worse each day. I simply cannot live w/o him. I don't know how to survive this. I can't even stop crying.
Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?
My life has stopped and my heart had stopped beating...
Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?
My life has stopped and my heart had stopped beating...
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
All the Single Ladies...
I am amazed at how society (& everywhere
not just in certain countries) highly value being married & having kids
& ostracizes singles around the world.
I grew up not wanting to get married. I cannot imagine being w/ just 1 guy for the
rest of my life. And I hate kids &
babies. And in an 8-year relationship I
decided to move in (live-in in Filipino terms) w/ my boyfriend. It was a disaster. He left me immediately & I had the burden
of the monthly amortization & bills to take care of myself. I had a realization at this time, that I
shouldn’t be doing/planning things that are against God’s laws, like “live-in.” So I changed.
I decided that apart from my career goals, my “other” goal would be to
get married & have my own family. I
thought I was doing things right.
That same year (w/c I thought was already
the worst year of my life before) I met my future husband. We went on a blind date (introduced by a
common friend). I was comfortable &
there was no dead air in our conversations.
However I was not “normally” attracted to him. He was not my “usual type.” He looked clean, like a “good boy.” He was fair-skinned. He was Chinese. He was short.
He looked like the type of guy my parents & lola would like. He looked like the type of guy my friends
need not worry about. As I left him that
day I thought, “no, we would just be friends---I’m not attracted to him at all!” But I reconsidered right then &
there. I recalled the 2 things I was
looking for in a husband: (1) someone
who, when he gets married, will never ever separate from his wife no matter
what & (2) someone I can be proud of.
He meets the 2 requirements! Don’t
ask me how I verified he meets the #1 requirement. Just think of a “good boy” compared to a “bad
boy.” I mean, there are men you know are
not the type who will get divorced right?
No matter what? He is that
type. For #2 I had this requirement
because my last boyfriend was hated by my family & friends. So I guess fighting for the guy was too
tiring so I thought about this requirement #2.
So I thought, he met my 2 requirements and for some reason I kept
thinking about him that night & the following day---and the rest is
history!
Now I am “unfortunately married.” I realized what a big sham it is. Just watching the latest Fast & Furious film
showing Paul Walker supposedly finding “real happiness” w/ his wife &
kid/s, what a sham! Read this all you
single ladies---marriage will NOT make you HAPPY!!! It is WAY WORSE THAN BEING SINGLE! What is fun about being a wife & having
the burden of “carrying” your marriage??!
What is the fun in submitting to your husband??? What is the fun of not having freedom, not
being able to do what you want. There is
no real benefit of getting married!!!
Unless if you’re a masochist and would love to live the rest of your
life sacrificing, suffering & being miserable!!! Life is meant to be enjoyed not to suffer
& sacrifice constantly. You should
be able to do what you want w/ your life & not be obliged to sacrifice for
another human being for the rest of your life.
So please married woman, stop fooling all these lucky single women that
you are happy. Single ladies…don’t be
fooled like me! L
Your Face Sounds Familiar
I have been watching Your Face Sounds Familiar since I first
saw it (1st episode, 1st performer – Karla Estrada
preparing as Sharon Cuneta). I never
really watch a local show religiously until I saw this one. I’m waiting for it every weekend whenever I’m
home. But I must admit there are some
frustrations…
1.
The
judges are puro positive na lang ang alam sabihin --- kahit dun sa binibigyan
nila ng lowest score…I thought this show was different before kasi I was
pleasantly surprised on the 1st show nung binanggit ni Jed &
Sharon na sintonado si Maxene. Actually
ok naman si Sharon minsan she still mentions the area for improvement and I
like her candid comments even when not juding---adds spice to the show. I don’t know why she has many
detractors. It’s refreshing to watch the
“New Sharon” now na hindi puro pacute at ang galling humirit! Pinakawalang kwenta si Gary lahat maganda at
magaling sa kanya. Papalitan daw sya for
a while ni Boy Abunda but I don’t expect things to get better knowing Boy na
wala ring laman ang sinasabi parati.
2.
Pacorny ng pacorny si Billy Joe Crawford. He was very good on the 1st
show. Did the ratings frighten him??? Ok this is one of the things na ok lang. I didn’t want him to excel din dahil sa ginawa
nya kay Nikki Gil.
3.
Frustrating yung performances last week. Halos walang nagperform. The only positive thing is nanalo na rin ang
favorite ko na si Nyoy sa wakas (after the very unfair assignment the week
before). Ipinanalo nya ang worst performance
nya---w/c is still better than the others.
4.
Ang pinakafrustrating is ung pagsscore ng
judges. Here is my own scoring (I only
included the last 2 weeks dahil eto lang ang napanood ko ng buo sa tv---I
realized iba pa rin pag youtube).
Week 4 (April 5)[edit]
|
Order
|
Contestant
|
Impersonated
artist[16]
|
Song
|
Total Points
|
Rank
|
|
1
|
Melai Cantiveros
|
18
|
4th
|
||
|
Tutti Caringal
|
20
|
3rd
|
|||
|
2
|
Edgar Allan Guzman
|
13
|
5th
|
||
|
Maxene Magalona
|
12
|
6th
|
|||
|
3
|
Jolina Magdangal
|
21
|
2nd
|
||
|
Nyoy Volante
|
4
|
8th
|
|||
|
4
|
Karla Estrada
|
11
|
7th
|
||
|
Jay R
|
33
|
1st
|
***Kung ako I would go for the following:
Tutti
Jay R
Melai
Edgar Allan
Nyoy
Jolina
Karla
Maxene
Hindi magaling si Tutti for the past weeks pero grabe ang performance nya
dun sa Salbakuta. He deserved a higher
score. Si Melai mataas din ang score ko
kasi kahit di nya gano nagaya sa looks yung salbakuta eh grabe sa kwela ang
performance nila ni Tutti. Edgar Allan
deserved more based on his performance na nagaya si John Travolta---only thing
is he looks like Zac Efron. Si Nyoy
deserved more dahil magaling pa rin sya kahit halos extra lang. Si Jolina hindi marunong kumanta, hindi
maabot ung kasimple-simpleng kanta na any ordinary singer eh magagawa, walang
nagaya ni kaunti. Naaalala ko tuloy yung
nabasa ko sa FashionPulis lately na parang gusto ng ABS-CBN iahon ang career ni
Jolina---kadiri! Si Karla as usual wala
na namang ginawa…lalo na si Maxene.
Week 5 (April 11 & 12)[edit]
|
Order
|
Contestant
|
Impersonated
artist
|
Song
|
Total Points
|
Rank
|
|
1
|
Edgar Allan Guzman
|
15
|
5th
|
||
|
2
|
Maxene Magalona
|
3
|
8th
|
||
|
3
|
Nyoy Volante
|
27
|
1st
|
||
|
4
|
Karla Estrada
|
14
|
6th/7th
|
||
|
5
|
Jay R
|
18
|
3rd
|
||
|
6
|
Jolina Magdangal
|
17
|
4th
|
||
|
7
|
Tutti Caringal
|
14
|
6th/7th
|
||
|
8
|
Melai Cantiveros
|
24
|
2nd
|
Here’s my ranking:
Nyoy
Karla
Jay R
Jolina
Edgar Allan
Tutti
Maxene
Melai
Karla deserved more last weekend. Hindi madali yung pinagawa sa kanya knowing
her. I don’t know why she scored so
low. Si Melai ang halatang-halatang may
daya. Dahil ba ang paborito ng ABS na si
Jolina ang ginaya nya?
5.
Last
frustration ay ang mga nabunot na “Icons” kuno for next weekend’s performances.
Week 6 (April 18 & 19)[edit]
|
Order
|
Contestant
|
Impersonated
artist
|
Song
|
Total
Points
|
Rank
|
|
-
|
Maxene Magalona
|
||||
|
-
|
Tutti Caringal
|
||||
|
-
|
Karla Estrada
|
||||
|
-
|
Edgar Allan Guzman
|
||||
|
-
|
Jolina Magdangal
|
||||
|
-
|
Jay R
|
||||
|
-
|
Melai Cantiveros
|
||||
|
-
|
Nyoy Volante
|
Music Icons pala si Vhong Navarro at si
Toni Gonzaga??! Pweh!!! Maintindihan ko
pa si Manny Pacquiao dahil sikat naman ito sa buong mundo lalo na may nalalapit
na laban. Pero gamitin daw ba ang
international franchised show na ito to promote their own “talentless”
artistis??! Kahit si apl.de.ap
matuturing ba na Icon yon? Buti kung
Black-Eyed Peas o si will.i.am o Fergie pa!
PAK!
I’m not looking forward to the next show
anymore!!!
Losing My Faith
I have been thinking a lot about my faith. And I honestly have deliberately not gone to
mass for the past 2 Sundays. I consider
myself “religious” before. And why is
that? Just read my last post. You see, I prayed for that marriage. I prayed to meet my future husband. I prayed for our relationship. I prayed and asked if I should continue w/
the wedding when I was having second thoughts & I thought I got a “yes”
answer. And a couple of weeks after the
wedding I realized what I had gotten myself into. That is why I’m questioning my faith
now.
What did I do to deserve this?
Why did God allow me to marry this creep?
Why is divorce not allowed by the Church?
Why does God want me to stay in a bad marriage…an unsafe
marriage? Why do I have to risk my life
& my baby’s?
Why do I have to stay w/ this guy who tortures my soul &
mind every waking moment?
Why does God allow bad things to happen to us?
Why does God allow people to suffer?
Why does God want people to get married & multiply? Only to suffer?
I have all these questions.
I have prayed on what to do & asked for a sign AGAIN. The answer I thought I got was to separate
from my husband…but why did God want me to marry him in the 1st
place? Am I getting this all wrong? What is the purpose of going to mass?
World's Worst Husband
Ok so I was thinking I married the worst husband in the
world. So I thought I would search the
net to see if there’s anybody else like me who’s won the lottery (the opposite)
on marriage!
And so I found this article:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1131262/Britains-worst-husband-How-18th-centurys-Andrew-Robinson-Bowes-make-spouse-look-saint.html
Well yeah, it was pretty bad & the woman did not have
much options considering the law & culture then. But I can relate. I pretty much had an ‘easy’ life. I didn’t have “major-major” problems growing
up. So I guess this is payback time?!
Why do I think my husband is the worst? Let me enumerate…oh wait, you have to
understand 1st that I just got married & currently pregnant…so here it
goes:
1.
He
admitted that he goes out w/ gays.
He said this has been going on for
years. He said he never did anything w/
them. He said he did because they give
him money (it’s not like he needed the money).
2.
He admitted that he’s doing drugs.
He also admitted he started 2
months before our wedding and that his family knows & that they decided to
hide it from me. I think this is also
the reason why he tends to lash out for no valid reason at all. He is emotionally abusive to me. And he is starting to physically hurt
me. Threats are also constant.
So I guess I only needed to list 2? And I already won having the worst husband in
the world & the worst luck on marriage!
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